Mermaid Elixir

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As a child, from the moment I learned to swim, I was in the water. I was one of those kids whose mother had to constantly check my skin during ten-hour marathons in the pool to make sure I hadn’t shriveled up and turned into a raisin from all the hydration soaking into my every molecule. Growing up in the desert, that’s how we survived the long hot summers – by staying wet. And in the summertime we would spend any moment not at home in some remote place that was also near a body of water like a lake, beach, or river. Most of my cherished memories from age six through fourteen consist of me alone underwater, pretending I was either a mermaid or an Olympian doing a series of convoluted moves and gymnastics I had made up on my own. It was a haven for me, away from the normal world, where my imagination could create any number of identities  for myself far removed from the human one I always felt a little odd-man-out within. Being underwater made me feel alive and clean and pure and particularly when I would swim under the tumultuous pounding waves of the sea, I would imagine that I was absorbing through osmosis the most potent vitamins and minerals of the gods, drinking in all the nutrients of the deep dark blue just like the plankton, coral, fishes and other creatures.

Recently, I discovered Vitamineral Green Powder and feel like I hit my mermaid eureka, discovering something that I can only describe as being exactly like what I imagine mythic gods of the sea might consume on a daily basis. It is simply an algae-colored, nutritionally dense, green superfood powder that supports blood sugar, detoxification, the immune system, liver, kidneys, blood, bones, colon, pancreas, muscles, brain, regularity, circulation and longevity. It’s full of naturally occurring, absorbable and non-toxic vitamins, minerals, amino acids, antioxidants, chlorophyll, soluble and insoluble fibers, phytonutrients and other organic nutrients. It’s an actual food and when mixed into a smoothie, it tastes like drinking an ancient waterfall (or what I would imagine one tastes like.)

At Local 1205, my favorite smoothie shop in Venice Beach, I am currently addicted to the Jade Mountain. This monstrous and thick, spoonable slurpie-like concoction actually looks like a Jade Mountain. Consisting of vitamineral green, almonds, maca, vanilla, agave, cacao nibs and tocotrionols, it is mixed only with ice and topped with bee pollen to make a refreshing meal substitute. It’s a bit pricey at $12 but you feel instantly energized after you drink up the last of its clarifying remnants into your body, feeling not full at all but worthy of climbing a comparably sized mountain of the one you just consumed. Every time I order it and walk home along Abbot Kinney I undoubtedly run into some stranger who extols its virtues like the recent doorman on a stool outside a club who announced, “Oh yes, the ever mighty Jade Mountain! That drink is the best!” as I passed his perch.

I no longer spend a lot of time in the water wary of chlorine and toxic sludge and flotsam and jetsam and all the other stuff we’ve polluted our H2O sources with but I am happy to have found a way to drink up the goodness I used to imagine would be served at a banquet reigned over by Neptune himself.

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